Let me start this blog entry off by stating that I am a pathetic little man. My girlfriend Clare broke up with me over a year ago, and I still can’t get over it. I miss her terribly. I miss what we had together. I get physically ill when driving on the freeways I used to take to get to her house. I’m always fearful of bumping into her at a public event, simply because I know I will lose it emotionally, and just start bawling like a little girl. Losing her has had a horrible impact in my life, and even a year on, it still feels like it happened yesterday.

With that said, I am not sad and pathetic enough to go sit outside her house (I like to think I have a shred of dignity in me). I do, however, Google her name once every few months. I just want to see if she has moved on in her life. Maybe if I see that, I can finally just accept that she’s never coming back to me (damn - that sucked to even type).

Imagine my absolute horror when, after Google’ing her name tonight, I found that her dad passed away on January 15th. I am sitting here, crying. He apparently died of a sudden heart attack.

I want to share my condolences with her family, but It’s not like I can call them up, and say “Hi, I was being a pathetic ass, and Google’ing your daughter’s name tonight, and…”. I do, though, want to share my feelings…

To Pete:

When I first met you, I was truly terrified. Here I was, this old guy, dating your young daughter. I was expecting the worst, but instead was greeted by a funny, welcoming man.

In the time that I knew you, I can honestly say that I always enjoyed your company. I was happy to see you every weekend. I loved having Sunday breakfast with you. While I was around to see Clare (obviously), I always enjoyed talking with you.

As I never had a father, you were the closest thing to a father figure that I had.

You were a great man. You stood up for what you believed in (Cottonwood vs Costco). You donated your time (Red Cross, and blood donations), and helped build up the city of Arcadia (Rusnak!). I consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity to have known you. I will truly miss you.

I always wanted you to be able to meet my mom. I am truly sorry that this was the way the meeting ended up.

Rest in peace…